This is not a dream!

So, I am still paralyzed and still in excruciating pain!!

At first, I thought, like everyone else, "Eh, must have just slept wrong and have a stiff neck." But the pain got worse, the stiffness got worse. The pain and stiffness has slowly traveled down my neck, down around my shoulders, down my left shoulder blade and then down and around to my lower abdomen. And, not any pain that I could just forget about, this was overwhelming, this has kept me in bed for most of my days and nights, this has kept me in tears for days at a time, this has sent me, over and over again, to the emergency room screaming, shaking and crying in pain, pain like I haven't felt since I gave birth to my kids.

Day after day, of MRI's, CAT scans, brain scans, biopsies, doctors upon doctors, orthopedic surgeons, ENT's, Endocrinologists, Neurologists, Neurological Pain Specialists, Physical Therapists, several times a week, just pleading for some kind of relief.

Someone, anyone, please help me.. please! I can't take this anymore!! :'(

Steroid packs, steroid injections, physical therapy, Ultram, Vicodin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Flexeril, Amrix... nothing is working! :'(

Dilaudid, Morphine injections and Percocet.. Aaahhhhhh, a little relief.. a little sleep.. finally! But, these are all very strong opiates.. Very strong, very addictive, opiates. Today, writing this, is my 10th week of pain, and several weeks on the opiates. I'm probably addicted by now, but all of my doctors agree.. this is my best and last option.

After weeks of just trying to find some relief.. and of my condition getting worse each time I see my neurologist. I'm cramping, I'm getting pulled over, to the side. It's like having one giant leg cramp, from the back of my head down to my waist. It's very, very painful, and very, very disabling.

I am slowly figuring things out.. slowly.. how to lay down just right, just in the very precise position to not put any extra strain on any of the cramped muscles.. the muscles that have taken over my body. I've learned that I cannot drive, I cannot turn to look to the left at all and I have about 10 degrees of motion turning my head to the right, I've learned that because the toilet paper holder is on the left side of the toilet... I can no longer reach it.. the cramping muscles won't let me stretch that far in that direction. I've learned that I cannot pickup my baby nephew.. my cramping muscles won't let me hold both arms out in front of me anymore. I've learned that I need to buy a lot more drinking straws... my cramping muscles won't let me lean my head back to drink from a cup.. or lean back to gargle with mouthwash.

A lot is changing.. I'm scared. My family is scared.